Tips for Parents & Teachers on how to Teach Autistic Children
By: Vanessa Blanchard
Autistic kids are passionate and talented, but their learning styles are usually different than their peers.
Is Autism a Learning Disability?
No. It can come with a variety of co-occurring learning disabilities (LD), but autism itself is not one. Common LDs include dyslexia, dyscalculia, and dysgraphia. A lot of autistic kids are also ADHD, which will increase the chance of LDs occurring.
There’s a common myth that being “intelligent” means you can’t have a learning disability. Beware of this idea. The concept of intelligence is tied to ableism and eugenics, and autistic folks deal with a lot of fallout from that. Those perceived to be smart can’t get support and those thought to be intellectually disabled are dehumanized.
How to stop fidgeting
Don’t. Fidgeting is stimming and it’s an important part of autistic self-regulation. Allowing kids to fidget can improve their ability to focus overall.
You might find your child has a kinesthetic learning style, meaning they learn better by acting rather than listening. This might make traditional learning environments challenging, because they require you to sit still to show you’re paying attention.
Being in motion or performing a task improves our ability to process information.
What to do
Identify your kid’s learning style and any LDs they might have and develop an education plan that meets their needs.
Be prepared for some schools to be unwilling or ill-equipped to help you with this. Advocate for your children and be willing to switch to a new school if necessary.
What not to do
Don’t assume that traditional learning is the only way to learn.
Don’t force your kids to stop doing things that help them learn or process information.
About the writer
I’m a writer, artist, and advocate who loves living in Maine among the trees and oceanside villages. I’m also autistic, ADHD, and PTSD. My education, both academic and personal, has centered around mental health and neurodevelopmental disabilities, as well as discrimination and the socioeconomic consequences of living disabled in America. I work to plant seeds and spread ideas through my writing. You can find me on Twitter @ladysnessa.
How Parents Should Discipline Their Autistic Child
By: Vanessa Blanchard
Autistic kids require a lot of compassionate caregiving for things that would typically be deemed discipline issues. Not punishing someone for a meltdown, which is a neurological event, doesn’t mean that autistic children don’t need structure and discipline.
Teaching Boundaries
As a parent, you know that discipline is largely about setting boundaries and limits to help shape the person you’re raising. It’s not just punishment. Autistic kids need help learning about boundaries, too. It’s a common issue in our social difficulties.
So, embracing compassionate caregiving can go a long way to teaching our youth how to navigate personal relationships and public spaces and not just in the sense of pleasing others. This also applies to protecting themselves from bullies and manipulators.
It can also teach us to protect our authenticity, which protects our mental health.
ABA is Abuse
Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA) is pushed by neurotypical professionals as a “gold standard” treatment for autism, but it pathologizes autistic traits and labels even expressions of joy as bad. The main goal of ABA is to make the child present as less autistic.
ABA asserts that autism is behavioral rather than neurological. They say it can be trained out of a child.
When you talk to autistic people who’ve been through this supposed treatment, they all insist that it’s abusive because it dehumanizes children and punishes them for their natural selves. Many compare it to conversion therapy within the LGBTQA+ community.
Autistic adults will tell you that developing PTSD and eating disorders are common responses to ABA therapy.
What to Do
Do employ appropriate punishments for things like shirking responsibilities or bullying others.
Do use logic when explaining to autistic kids why they’re being punished.
Do advocate for your child to protect them from those who would label them as “difficult” among their peers.
What Not to Do
Don’t punish kids for things they can’t control.
Don’t label them as difficult. They’re trying their hardest. They understand that their behavior can be challenging, they’re likely frustrated themselves.
Don’t let neurotypical professionals judge you for how you discipline or support your child.
About the writer
I’m a writer, artist, and advocate who loves living in Maine among the trees and oceanside villages. I’m also autistic, ADHD, and PTSD. My education, both academic and personal, has centered around mental health and neurodevelopmental disabilities, as well as discrimination and the socioeconomic consequences of living disabled in America. I work to plant seeds and spread ideas through my writing and will be among the autistic adults helping you understand your autistic kids better on Spectroomz’ Ask An Autistic. You can find me on Twitter @ladysnessa.
How to Deal with Aggressive Behaviour of Your Autistic Child
By: Vanessa Blanchard
Aggression is a common problem with autistic children, and again, it comes from being overwhelmed with frustration and anger.
Maybe your little one can’t express their needs or desires. They could be getting bullied at school or by other caregivers. It’s very common for adults to judge and correct autistic kids until they start lashing out. Being constantly misunderstood and labeled “bad” is traumatic.
Autistic kids often feel very out of control and sometimes aggression is a way we can try to exercise some control in our own lives. It’s not the best solution to the problem, but the discrimination and mischaracterization we experience limits our choices. At least, it makes them feel much more limited, especially when it comes to trying to defend our boundaries or sense of self worth. Think of this in terms of fight or flight reactions, which are close to and fuel meltdowns.
How to Stop an Autistic Child from Hitting
This is an area where it is good to ask autistic adults, because each kid is different and collecting advice from people who have struggled with their own aggression will help you.
Remember that a lot of autistic aggression comes from a place of fight or flight. Many autistic adults will tell you that they find themselves unable to control their own bodies when in this state. Losing control of your body can also be traumatic. Addressing what triggers this state will help, but this is often a very complicated process.
Researching treatments for PTSD can help. There is a lot of overlap in how autistic meltdowns and trauma reactions affect the body.
What to Do
Reach out to other autistic people for support and insight.
Work to identify and respond to your kid’s needs. Preventing aggression is going to be a daily practice of regulation and building responses to future outbursts.
What Not to Do
Don’t forget that autonomy and personal agency are important to everyone’s emotional wellbeing. If your kid is aggressive or lashing out, look for what might be limiting these areas of their life.
Don’t hesitate to change schools, daycares, decorations, or social circles if they are causing consistent stress in your child.
About the writer
I’m a writer, artist, and advocate who loves living in Maine among the trees and oceanside villages. I’m also autistic, ADHD, and PTSD. My education, both academic and personal, has centered around mental health and neurodevelopmental disabilities, as well as discrimination and the socioeconomic consequences of living disabled in America. I work to plant seeds and spread ideas through my writing. You can find me on Twitter @ladysnessa.
How to Calm Your Autistic Child [including during Meltdowns]
By: Vanessa Blanchard
Providing a safe sensory environment is one of the core ways an autistic kid will be able to calm down.
Each child is different.
Some common needs are quiet, personal space, dim lighting, and gentle pressure touch (like weighted blankets).
Some kids will want no stimulation, some will need a specific kind to help soothe their minds and bodies.
What is Stimming?
Stimming is a primary way that autistic people self-regulate. It’s anything that involves the senses in an immersive way, whether it’s gaming, watching glitter cascade through water, wearing comfy clothes, or enjoying the texture of some water beads.
Everyone stims, but autistic people seem especially drawn to it and its benefits. It’s often indispensable in coping with sensory overwhelm.
It’s important to let your kid use sensory play to meet their sensory needs. Letting them do this when they are calm -- or to express happiness -- will make it easier for them to successfully calm themselves down when they are in crisis mode.
Remember, even happy emotions can overwhelm and regulating emotions is a lifelong practice for all people.
What to Do
Give your kids space and ask them what they need. Keep your language simple and let them respond with behaviors, as words often fail us when we’re distressed.
Make a care kit of their favorite stims so that things are more routine and predictable for them during a crisis.
What Not to Do
Don’t punish them for being distressed. A lot of our aggression and self-harm behaviors are rooted in deep, deep pain or frustration. A meltdown is an involuntary neurological reaction. It can’t be prevented, only responded to.
Don’t bombard them with questions. Autistic people often don’t process information well when upset.
About the writer
I’m a writer, artist, and advocate who loves living in Maine among the trees and oceanside villages. I’m also autistic, ADHD, and PTSD. My education, both academic and personal, has centered around mental health and neurodevelopmental disabilities, as well as discrimination and the socioeconomic consequences of living disabled in America. I work to plant seeds and spread ideas through my writing. You can find me on Twitter @ladysnessa.
How parents can help an autistic child with challenging behaviour
By: Vanessa Blanchard
I know, it could be challenging to handle your autistic child sometime.
Autistic children’s behavior can be confusing when compared to some other children, but to the autistic community a lot of this behavior makes sense. We know how sensory sensitivities can overwhelm, or how transitioning between tasks can put us in full fight or flight mode.
We also know how pleasing it is to line things up neatly or how soothing it is to rock back and forth. If you ask us, we’d be happy to share experiences that could give you insight into your child.
Behavior is Communication
The idea that behavior is communication was one of the earliest and most helpful concepts the autistic community offered me when I was first learning about autism.
Kids might not always be able to tell you with words if they’re distressed, but their behavior will let you know. Look for the root cause of troubling patterns. Remember that not being able to communicate our distress can add a lot of emotions on top of what already has us struggling.
Likewise, sometimes our behaviors are communicating happiness, focus, or passion. These are often labeled problematic even when they aren’t. Maybe we’re flapping our hands in excitement, or maybe we learn better if our bodies are in motion.
What to Do
Reach out to other autistic people when you encounter troubling behaviors that communicate distress.
Develop a caregiving approach that meets your child on their level. Help them learn to identify and communicate their needs to the best of their ability.
Assume that they’re trying their hardest and be ready to respond to their crises.
What Not to Do
Don’t let people judge your parenting when your kid has a meltdown or shows signs of sensory overwhelm.
Don’t punish happy or self-regulating behaviors. Is it really that important for hands and bodies to be still? Is eye contact the only way to show respect?
About the writer
I’m a writer, artist, and advocate who loves living in Maine among the trees and oceanside villages. I’m also autistic, ADHD, and PTSD. My education, both academic and personal, has centered around mental health and neurodevelopmental disabilities, as well as discrimination and the socioeconomic consequences of living disabled in America. I work to plant seeds and spread ideas through my writing. You can find me on Twitter @ladysnessa.